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| Soup Ta Nuts |
Boy, I realize trying to get a job in this economy I have to have my wits
working double time. A local newspaper was looking for a news reporter. I knew
that was something I could do, and landed an interview. There I was folks,
sitting in front of a chunky interviewer who obviously couldn’t see out of her
horn-rimmed glasses as she kept her steely eyes on me by glaring over the top
of them, but I ignored that by winking at her. I figured her problem was she
was jealous of me, you know my good looks and all.
She said she didn’t think I
suited the job, as I had no resume (whatever that is), but she was obliged to
let me write an article. She warned me that the story had to include the 5 W’s
of journalism: who, what, where, when and why.
I told her I wouldn’t have a
problem with that as I was always firing questions at my Clem like - who he was out with, and what he was doing
that was more important than me, where he had been when I had been calling and
why he didn’t answer. This seemed like a
simple assignment to me. I began to
write what I thought was the clincher to my getting the job. You be the judge.
Who - Companies
What - Trim Corporate Fat
Where - Everywhere
When - Everyday
Why - To compete in the global market.
Sound familiar? I’m tired of this daily report in our newspapers. Do I need
to hear this? I’m faced daily with my own doom and gloom statistics.
Who - Klara Kravitz
What - Trim Corset Fat
Where - Everywhere
When - Everyday
Why - To compete in the local meat market.
Enough is
Enough!
I’m tired of dieting, pills, fat farms,
exercising, and everything that goes with trying to stuff this size 18 into a
beanpole size 12.
I see all the advertising. Who are they
kidding? The last time I saw hips that size was when I measured one thigh. How
about those slinky dresses with no back? I too, used to have a slender,
unwrinkled back, just like those models, but as I grew older, I developed those
gorgeous “love handles”.
How about exercise videos? I sit and
watch those Skinny Minnies trying to convince me that exercise is good for me.
All that jumping is bad for the eyesight! I do sit-ups and that is enough. Each
morning around 3 a.m., I sit up, get out of bed and go piddle. The next time my
body is conscious is when the alarm goes off and wrenches me up from a deep
sleep. I then get dressed and take Cranky Cat for a walk.
I even tried pool fitness at the Y in
town. I now know what six lashes with a wet noodle means. I took a round foam
pole with me to keep me afloat, (they called it a noodle).
This thing was a contortionist! If I
sat on it, the thing buckled and came up between my legs, while pinning my head
underwater. I was mugged, punched, and dumped by this thing. I wasn’t fit to do
anything after that outing!
Enough is
Enough!
Who - Klara Kravitz
What - Pitch the Corset.
Where - At the advertisers.
When - Immediately
Why - So I can binge at the local meat market.
And how was
your day? Ms. Klara p.s. I didn’t get the job!
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